Choosing Your Philosophy Class

Today’s post will be about choosing a philosophy class for your next Dungeons and Diogenes session with your, presumably toga wearing, friends. I’ll be laying out the stats that come with picking a particular class, alongside a description of unique abilities, pros and cons alike. Enjoy.

Nihilist

Str: 1

Con: 1

Dex: 1

Int: 1

Wis: 1

Char: 1

The nihilist class is the “hard mode” class, starting with only a single point in every attribute which is also hard locked on leveling up, as there is no point to anything else.

Nihilists come with bonuses to both victory and loss conditions, as neither of them actually matter, making them essentially invulnerable to any damage, as they don’t actually care.

Nihilists are on a permanent berserk status, attacking both people and items.

Buddhist

Str: 1

Con: 1

Dex: 1

Int: 50

Wis: 100,000

Char: -50

Buddhists are the glass cannons of wisdom, where they have meditated so hard that they have moved beyond the plane of reality and now know the answer to everything – which is emptiness. This ascendancy leads to extraordinary insights and the ability to focus so hard on their right pinky toe that they can feel the cells moving about inside it.

Part of this extreme wisdom and insight leads to sacrifices in their physical attributes, essentially making them permanently seated in a lotus position in a forest. Charisma also doesn’t exist, as there is no such thing as self. Buddhists also suffer in combat, resorting to smiling and acceptance of being beaten to a pulp.

Marxist

Str: 30

Con: 1

Dex: 1

Int: 2

Wis: 1

Char: 3

The Marxist is a berserker class that has sacrificed most of its attributes and banked it on physical labor. It gains +150 strength upon meeting any class that has more stats than it does, and goes berserk, as it cannot cognitively comprehend the fact that people don’t share their stats among others equally.

Unfortunately, its lack of nourishment leads to a permanent debuff on constitution, as it is incapable of sustaining itself through sheer physical means. It requires other classes of decent int, as without them it would wither and die.

A class for people who believe brutally taking what you need is the means to victory states.

Skeptic

Str: 1

Con: 1

Dex: 6,000,000

Int: 1

Wis: 1

Char: 1

The Skeptic is the “rogue” of selections, as it is capable of dodging every single question, combat situation and fact of reality with an innate perk called “doubt it bruh”. It automatically rolls a 20 and has no cooldown.

The downside to the skeptic is it can do literally nothing else, because it requires proof of such things, which it inherently dodges by default. A very fun experience.

Objectivist

Str: 1

Con: 1

Dex: 1

Int: 500,000

Wis: 10

Char: 0

The Objectivist is essentially the mage of the group, with extraordinary levels of intelligence, reasoning, logic, knowledge and other mind based powers on display.

Unfortunately, Objectivists start with 0 charisma and a complete inability to socialize with others. It gains an immediate 30 turn berserk stat when encountering other Objectivists, and has an innate ability named “Power Word: Galt”, which allows them to shut down every single combat encounter by calling others dishonest.

That said, Objectivists are not soft locked on any stat and can increase their stats as they level, giving them the potential to be battle mages, alongside unlocking a skill called “shrug”, where they use their titanic trapezius muscles to literally shrug off an entire planet.

They work best with Buddhists, and must be kept very far away from Marxists. If encountering a Skeptic, combat will never end, as one is infinitely dodging and the other is infinitely arguing, breaking the game.

Diogenes

Str: 1

Con: 1

Dex: 1

Int: 1

Wis: 1

Char: -100,000

There can only be one Diogenes per party, and is the only class that comes with its own starting set of armour, also known as a wine barrel. The Diogenes doesn’t give a single shit what anyone does and is completely impervious to all forms of damage, but gains an enormous berserk debuff that lasts for 55 turns if you block its sunlight.

Diogenes is a powerful class but offers no help, ever, to anyone. A tough pick.

There you have it, the first set of philosopher classes that you can pick from in this current version of Dungeons and Diogenes. Perhaps in the future more classes will be unlocked with DLC or expansion packs.

Enjoy, and good luck out there.