How to not Chad

You are at a bar, and are dressed with vivid colors and bling bling, peacocking about with too much gel in your hair. You are scanning the room like a terminator, seeking the Sarah Connor of your evening so you may assassinate her with your penis. Regardless of your friends having a good time, you are there to get yourself a woman, and cannot enjoy yourself until a target is found and proverbially “eliminated”.

You see a woman with voluptuous breasts and an hour glass body. You are attracted. She is intensely interested in her drink and her friends, and does not notice you whatsoever. You stand up and with ominous music in the background, you approach.

“Hello attractive woman. It is obvious that I am very attracted to you and am now attempting to receive validation of my existence by peacocking in front of you with my overtly flamboyant colours. I am now going to recite specific lines and present a cocky attitude in order to frustrate you in some way, thus producing emotional tension that may play into your securities and then make you chase me. However, this may backfire in the long term as I likely have serious attachment issues, and when I do inevitably get attached to you, you will recognize that my current pick up style is actually not at all who I am as a person and you will be disappointed in the realization that I have been manipulating you in order to attain the glory of Valhalla, which I call your vagina. Instead of reflecting on this insight, I will slam it down into the dark pits of my soul and claim that all women are semen demons intent on destroying me. Please respond and provide me with relief that this night was not a waste, as that is all I am here for.”

She looks at you and responds

“Hello unusually small looking manlet. I am not interested as your body language, tone and general approach is typical of every other person who has approached me, as due to my attractive appearance I receive enough attention to cause an outage on twitter. I also sense that you require my validation and thus within the near infinite amounts of possible outcomes in the quantum reality we live in, maybe in one or two of those you might receive sexual favours for the three minutes that you can last via a transaction, that being exorbitant amounts of materials or some kind of desperation. But unfortunately for you, in every other reality including this one, you get nothing and must be gone from my sight as I am intent on simply enjoying my night with my girl friends and dream about Chadlord the Great, who I once met at a Cuban resort and instantly fell in love after he had danced in a sexual manner while lifting me up and throwing me through a wall in an aggressive mating act.”

But really, her response was “I have a boyfriend”.

You say something snarky because that’s what it said in the book, but deep down you feel frustration and the entire 5 hour night of going out, playing darts, being with good friends and having good food is ruined because a hot girl told you to fuck off.

Congratulations, you’re shit at this.

How to Chad

After doing whatever it is that you enjoy during the day, you dress up in clothes that are comfy and within your style, make your hair however you want, call your buddies up and get down to the local bar so you can chat about recent events and play darts, enjoying your night.

Throughout the night you’re laughing and making jokes with your buddies, and occasionally scan the room to see what the general vibe is and whether it’s a busy or quiet night. At one point you notice a woman sitting by the bar. She’s with her friends and notices you. You make brief eye contact, smile and she smiles back. You notice a few other women here and there, but don’t make much of it.

Later on, you see the same woman and she makes eye contact with you again. She seems somewhat interested in what you and your friends are doing, so you walk over to the bar to buy another drink and greet her.

“Hello young lady that is occasionally looking in my direction. You seem to have some interest in my endeavors so I have decided to make small talk with you and ask your name while I buy the next round of food and drink for my friends. I am curious and am now evaluating whether you’re worth more than just small talk, and will joke around occasionally, being exactly as I am around my friends and showing genuine authenticity. My expectations are at a zero and whether we vibe or not is completely irrelevant, as my night is already great and really you’d just be an icing on the cake that ultimately isn’t necessary. If I consider you interesting and attractive, I will likely ask for your number or to join my friends and I, and whatever your choice it will not affect my overall happiness and self esteem, as you are not a trophy nor are you at all validating my existence.”

She looks at you and responds

“Hello confident and authentic looking man that I have been noticing in the distance. You have approached me calmly and with an indifferent expectation and it is immediately noticeable with your attitude, way with words and smile. You look clean and well dressed and do not smell like a thousand dead horses or as if you had taken a bath in cologne. Your mannerisms, genuine curiosity and joyful activities have drawn me to you as you seem to be fully in control of your life, emotions and mental health. You do not seem to care whether I want to fuck you or not, and that in itself makes me desire you that much more as you do not need my sexual validation or access to my vagina to feel worthy – on the contrary I almost feel as if I need to prove myself to you, a stark contrast to the horde of borderline retarded neanderthals who keep repeating the same shitty pick up lines from a book over and over again. You are very attractive, there is an immense polarity between us, and I’d like to get to know you more. “

But really she responds with a smile, small talk and a willingness to join you and your friends.

Congratulations, you’re pretty okay at this.

And that’s how you Chad.

Don’t take advice from me.

Provide me with money to buy more PUA books

I’m not Chad, but I am pretty rad. feel free to donate. I need the money. Thanks!

$5.00

3 comments on “Chad Dating

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  3. Pingback: Enjoy Your Lonely Latte’s – Frog Machinery

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