World News

A short post giving a quick summary on the current state of the world, ranging from local alcoholic housewives to contradictory political commentators and investors.

Journalist writes that economists predict a huge downturn – says to invest for safety

Local journalist that managed to get in on the bottom of recommended stocks is saying many economists around the world are preparing for inflation, death, misery and erosion of wealth – so he recommends three particular stocks to invest in, because he got in at the bottom and if it goes up, he can sell out and you can hold some bags of crushed dreams. It’s not a ponzi or a pre-order for a premium rope and suicide letter. Buy his gumroad and subscribe to his substack while you’re at it, idiot.

Single, debt infused woman with three cats and an empty bottle of overpriced wine complains she can no longer sign up for more credit cards

“It’s just ridicllouss yknwo” she slurs as she stammers across the screen in a drunken stupor. With a measly $83,000 of debt, the 45 year old sex and the city afficionado says that it’s unfair that she can’t buy more shoes or order more wine, and because of the “assssshllee partrickarky” she’s barred from borrowing more money and is due to have her overpriced Sanfran apartment seized by debt collectors soon. It’s not fair!

Local four time Pfizer and six time Moderna boosted quad masked obese man blames maskless joggers for testing positive for COVID

“Absolutely ridiculous that these—” *breathes in* “–joggers aren’t wearing masks. Because of–” *chews down a potato chip* “–those selfish, irresponsible and unhealth—” *sits down and pants* “–unhealthy people not doing their duty, I got covid.” The man then pointed towards smiling joggers in the sunlight across the street.

Insecure artists complain about the rise of AI art, which isn’t ‘real art’ and ‘they’re taking our jobs’ – calls for regulation

Hippies are up in arms over the rise of incredible AI art, that is capable of using algorithms to create stunning imagery that is not only beautiful, but capable of doing a better job than them.

“The AI never practiced drawing hentai all day like I did” an artist said “They’re taking our jobs, and if companies don’t want to hire me because I draw only dicks when they need high fantasy or highly creative, interesting paintings, then they’re obviously discriminating.”

“It’s copyright infringement” another artist – a prominent painter of Overwatch fan art – said. “The AI is just looking at other people’s work, then making its own interpretation. That’s basically stealing.”

We tried to contact some other artists with great success in the industry through their originality and passion, but they were too busy painting.

Entrepreneurial alpha male annoyed that his crypto grifts no longer profitable – blames “the left”

“It’s fucked up bro” he laments.

“I was mooning like crazy on trogolondo coin, got in at the lowest point, and then out of nowhere it just crashed. It’s bullshit, probably Soros and his feminist goons keeping us men down”

The entrepreneur runs multiple NFT businesses, all who have yet to make profit for the 31 year old. When asked about his future plans, he commented that he “wants to have a harem” and “moon”.

Person with ninety three mental disorders frustrated at lack of support from people they don’t know

“Why won’t they respect my sensitivity!” she rambles.

The 22 year old has been regularly visiting an “affirmation therapist” with a degree in social astrology, and has discovered to have several dozen mental health disorders, although it fluctuates depending on the weather, the curvature of the Earth in relation to where she is, and gravitational pulls from the moon.

When asked if she had visited any other health care professionals for second opinions, she threw a phone book at us.

Local hard working guy is indifferent to happenings around world and focuses on his job

“I’m just saving money and working hard” the middle aged man said.

“Spend less than you make, save as much as possible and have a plan B in case your original plan doesn’t work out. You’ll be fine as long as you just keep at it, stay calm, have faith and take full responsibility for the things in your control.”

When asked about the economy, the man replied “Not in my control. I’ll handle what happens”.

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