I hate grifters.
That’s a great way to start my first post of 2022, with pure hate – but it’s a positive kind of hate, I assure you (Happy new year, by the way).
Grifting is a thing that’s been around for a long time – and for those who don’t know, grifting is basically small scale swindling and selling you products for a quick buck. Sometimes it’s straight fraud, too.
It’s been around for a long time, but it has particularly been enhanced by the internet and social networking, because it gives people the ability to send information out far and wide, and target people’s vulnerabilities, too.
A lot of people who grift really know how to make money off the masses, because they’re looking at the marketing tactics that trigger the emotional responses and focus on specific demographics. In this case, I’m speaking about the dick heads who focus on the porn addicted masses of the world – aka, I’m talking about young guys.
I see it really often on twitter. Some dude with a hardcore stern face pro photo makes a basic comment about how porn or chasing women is bad or something and they need to “man up” in order to be happy. Then it usually has a second post which links to their gumroad book which is 3 pages long and tells you “ooga booga eat good lift good be husbando”.
Here’s the thing – none of those things are “bad”. In fact, I always encourage people to exercise and eat well. It’s pretty settled that those two things are vital for a functioning human being to exist and I have my own routines going in my own life. I totally agree that you should be taking care of yourself – to what standard? That’s for you to decide.
That said, where I take significant issue is that people target the vulnerabilities and issues of younger men by telling them that their porn watching habits, jerk off sessions or desire for women is bad and fucking up their lives, and they need to change it. “Man up! The world needs strong men!”
yadda yadda go fuck yourself.
But okay. I’ll extend an olive branch here because I actually do think excessive porn viewing is pretty bad for you (and you can understand why by checking Andrew Huberman’s podcast out – he is easily one of the best scientists around).
But so is excessive drinking, or excessive exercise, or gaming, or driving, or anything that you do too much of.
The object of desire is not the issue, but grifters will tell you it is, and warp your perception of reality to think that “porn is bad” or basic sexual desire is wrong.
In other words, it’s basically “sex is sinful” from religion all over again, but hidden under the guise of targeting porn and building up from there.
I’ve looked into nofap and noporn communities, and I really do give two thumbs up to the guys who have benefited greatly from it and fixed their lives up. I’m really happy to see that, but one of the common elements I’ve found with stories of those communities is that when guys stopped jerking it to porn all day, they started to “focus on what matters” and “get their priorities right”.
That common element shows that it’s not the object that is necessarily screwing their lives up – it’s how they used it. They were using it as a means to fill up a void in their life or “waste time”, basically. Just replace “porn” with anything else, like Netflix, beer, games, etc – you get the same result. On the level of brain chemistry, those objects of desire were fucking up their dopamine receptors because of excessive usage. Removing it helped replenish those receptors. It’s like a detox.
Anyway, it shows that people didn’t have their priorities in order – and getting rid of the object that helped them evade that fact gave them a very lucid understanding as to what they were missing in their own lives. Now a special note about teenagers: their brains are hyper plastic. Porn and excessive anything can really do a lot of hard rewiring in the mind and screw things up with brain chemistry a lot – but that said, it’s not an issue of “porn”, it’s an issue of them not being taught to manage themselves better. But I digress.
Removal of excessive anything and learning to listen to your gut – totally support it. The problem is the grifters who jump onto this and try to sell you a “list” on how to live life, and conveniently one of those things on the list often tells you that porn, eroticism, sex and sexuality is “bad” in some way. That’s usually the hook, too – it preys on people who are down in the dumps and vulnerable. It’s religion.
Brutal news flash – there is no such thing as a “list” on how to live life. There are prescriptions, but those prescriptions aren’t yours – they’re someone else’s. This is part of why I don’t really ascribe to anyone’s list or praise people to the high heavens – my life is my own and I live it by my standards. And guess what? I’m pretty happy.
When coming off things like porn, games, excessive drinking or whatever – you don’t ask the question “Why is X bad?”. That’s the wrong question to ask. You need to ask “Why do I X?” and “How is it valuable to me?“.
These two questions are more open and they don’t immediately conclude whatever you’re into is bad for you. More importantly though, these questions put you as the most important piece behind it all. It’s about YOU and YOUR VALUES.
It ALWAYS is.
I know people who are all about hot girls, asses, porn, drinks and cigars. Totally functional, healthy and normal people, too, because they have their lives in order and listen to their gut. All their questions are based off what they want, what they get out of the things they do, and whether it affects them positively or negatively. It’s their standards and they’re happy.
Conversely, my life is pretty damn good too – and I too enjoy hot girls and asses. I’m dating just one girl now because I like her, but it was a choice I made because I want to focus on that. It’s more important to me to invest in that relationship rather than to play around. As for porn, it comes and goes – I have zero “need” for it, but it has no effect on my mind or happiness. If it ever does – guess what? I just stop.
It’s because my life and my standards come first and I listen to my gut. I don’t listen to people telling me “x is bad”, because it’s bullshit. Why is it bad? Based on what? For who?
Eroticism, adult goods, porn and sexuality have no inherent “good” or “bad” traits. They stem from human nature and especially man’s nature to want sex. If you don’t have your shit together, people can manipulate that desire in you and control you – but that’s a different problem. Again, it’s not the object that’s the issue, it’s your own lack of responsibility and confused priorities.
I’ve held the principle for a long time now that I don’t give advice unless asked – generally, on this blog I don’t give advice, I just provide my own thoughts on various topics and let readers decide for themselves whether I’m correct. If you want advice I can give it, but it comes from my own standards.
In other words, I can never give you a list on how to live life. I’ve written lists up before, and usually they’re half satirical and provide some basic starter kit kind of shit for youths, but you don’t have to follow it.
You have to figure shit out by yourself, and that’s precisely what I see happen when a lot of young men stop viewing porn and go nofap – because they’re removing the object that helped them evade reality.
Once they stopped evading, they started seeing – and what they saw was a lack of action in their own lives, which they then became motivated to fix.
That’s called getting priorities or values in order, and listening to your gut.
I have zero issue with people not viewing porn, or people viewing a lot of it – if you’re genuinely content with your life, I don’t give a shit – you do you. But I have major issue with people telling you “X is bad”, because it’s the hidden religion card just with a shiny new coat of paint. Fuck off and stop selling people pig slop.
Sex, porn, girls, asses, jerking off, tits, general sexual desire – it’s all just part of you as an animal. Just be rational about it, and get your priorities in order.
Trust your gut. If you’re feeling crap, listen to the crappy feeling you have, and start sorting your life out in the way you want. But don’t assume that whatever you were doing to evade that gut feeling was somehow “bad”. Wrong way to look at it.
The object was never bad – you just stopped liking yourself to the point of not listening to what your gut was saying. Listen to it, get your priorities in order, and you’re good.
And tell grifters to fuck off. They’re swindling you with prescriptions and preying on vulnerabilities. Be more you and less “other people” – in the long term, you’ll be happier.