Weird Cynicism and 2021

Personal post, and post number two.

Lots of thoughts, going with the stream on this write up.

Recently been reflecting on my year and the year before. 2020 was horrifically difficult – needed to rebuild myself from scratch, pretty much. Went from borderline suicidal to completely in tune and happy with myself. Of course, it was mainly to do with a girl – Sao was gorgeous, but she’s gone now. Not a bad girl, totally get the reasoning behind the fallout now too. All good with it, happy to have experienced everything I did – both the good and bad (LOTS of good, lordy). Sometimes still think of her, though that’s pretty normal. She was significant. The burn and break was actually a good thing though, because sometimes you need to get burned and burned hard to learn your lesson.

I learned. Lots of things achieved in one year.

Did a body recomp on physique – was 84kg last January, now lean at 77kg and even stronger. I was never “unfit”, but now I’m athletic and look really good. Chiseled face, too. Really noticed that and like it a lot. Girls definitely notice too – it’s been a fun year to say the least, and dating an absolute stunner now. She adores me. I like her a lot – she’s sweet, feminine and supports my mission. Good stuff. She’s getting a nice Christmas present.

Next, upgraded my job. Found a far better gig that pays a decent amount more and is way more challenging too. All good, the other one was getting boring, and the new job pushed me to move into the city. Way better for me overall – more things to do, regular routine subway lunches every week while writing, convenience, good access to nature joints – it’s excellent stuff.

Wrote a ton this year too. Last I checked, approximately 65,000 words on this blog alone – that doesn’t account for the private journals too. I’m pretty sure I’ve written close to 80,000 words in total. People seem to really enjoy my writing too, which is great. I do it because I like it and have things to say – it also keeps me sane and focused. Without it, I’d be losing it. It’s basically my creative outlet. Doesn’t pay bills, but whatever – I do it because it keeps my soul alive.

Painted a lot, but that took a big break from around September. I tend to do the painting stuff in spurts, and I have so many interests that it’s hard for me to just sit on one for a very long time. It’ll come back in the future, but either way, I think I painted over 20 pieces this year. Got to finally reveal the commissioned work I did last year too, which was rad.

Finances are fine and stable too. I’m definitely not breaking the bank, but I have fallbacks and can survive quite easily. Comfy. Minimalism rules.

All things are going alright really. I’m really happy about how everything is now and how hard I’ve worked, lots of pride. Had some fallouts this year but I’m cool with that too – completely indifferent, actually.

I’m pretty cynical about the future of this planet and the people on it though. I don’t think I’m going to have problems in my own life – I do well, I’m skilled in several areas, and I know how to manage myself. I also have mobility in the long term to some extent, with future plans on the way to further increase that.

I guess I’m cynical because the world has gone completely insane. This whole COVID thing has turned whatever brain cells were left in most people into total mashed potato shit. Whatever hope I had for a lot of people is long, long gone. Australia has been an incredibly disappointing (and now hilarious) example in particular. Lots of people are showing how stupid and lacking in critical thinking they are.

It’s annoying, and in my gut, I don’t really wish for things to get any better for some people. They need to reap what they sowed with this crap – and I’m not going to give a saving hand when shit gets worse, either. Governments turning psychotic, discrimination based on whether you had a jab to the shoulder (which doesn’t even keep the damn sniffles away), dumb passports to “get into” places – what the fuck, world.

It’s a weird time, and I’ve all but shrugged from it. I generally keep to myself and wish to be left alone – I do the same for others. I’m pretty indifferent to the movements that go around talking about how we need to fight the good fight – just more groups forming groups to fight groups. Groupie crap. I don’t care, you’re all basically the same to me.

I like and love lots of people around me though. Lots of cool people who do their own thing, live how they want, and say fuck it to everything. Just spending the time they have on this Earth in the best way possible to them. It’s great, and I try to keep in touch with them. Looking forward to hanging out more too, especially the ones in other countries once people start to catch up to the fact that the koof is never going away.

I dunno. This post is pretty personal – just reflections of a pretty interesting life that I’ve lived over the past two years. Lot of shit hit the fan, then a lot of cleaning. Emptying my own basket of unnecessary stuff. Telling people I don’t like to go eat shit. Getting stronger, taking care of the people I like.

I still have worries – mainly in the future. How much do I need to retire, where am I going to live, what am I going to do – all of that stuff. I think a lot of people have no idea honestly. Pretty normal?

I have no idea what the future will bring, but I reckon I can handle it. Maybe with a partner, maybe not. Who knows. Still got my pen, my keyboards and blogs to splurge on anyway.

Life’s good. The world isn’t, but my life is good.

Hope yours is a good one too.

Thanks for reading. Have a good Christmas.