It Probably Is Your Fault.

Happy morning to you, Froggos.

I’m around and kicking, just with the caveat that I’ve been extremely busy with my new job, which has been great. Not just this, but many other endeavors such as mini projects, dating, my painting work, etc.

Unfortunately, it led to me neglecting my writing work, and while I can toy with the notion that it was because I was so busy, the reality is that I let it fall to the wayside and stagnate a little. I’m completely responsible for that and know for a fact that there were many moments of time I could’ve used to actually write (for the record, I kept writing but in private journals).

In other words, it’s my fault I didn’t write on my blog.

That’s a nice and smooth segway into the blog post of today, because many people would take an alternative route to that conclusion and point to a number of different things in their lives as the reason behind their stagnation or lack of commitment, all to absolve themselves of the full responsibility of being a free thinking human being.

It’s your fault you don’t reach goals and it’s your fault life is the way it is for you, and I draw a line in the sand on that comment. I’ll die on that hill and am happy to do so.

Let’s take a concrete example and apply my reasoning to it so it’s better understood.

You’re a lonely person who doesn’t say much and is looking to reach out towards others, but seem mysteriously incapable of doing so due to exceptional amounts of shyness, anxiety, etc. It’s a frightening ordeal, talking to others. You lament that you can’t and talk about it to a community of people who suffer the same issue online, sharing in the suffering and cursing your past, God, deities or whatever have you in order to quell the suffering and accept your grim fate of being a lonely person.

Perhaps, you even become resentful towards the majority of people. You begin to resent that others don’t understand your loneliness and your problems. You drift further and further away from people while getting closer to your community of lonely people. Paradoxically you’re in a community of loners where everyone is together and no one is connected. If only your past or your genes had been different, things wouldn’t be this way.

This example targets no one, it’s just a creative scenario that I’ve concocted from many observations throughout my life, and of course my own experiences, too. But take a moment to re-read the above scenario and think about whether anything in that scenario led the imaginary person to look in the mirror and take into consideration their flaws and whether they’re responsible for their own fate.

There is none. There are conclusions, but there are no actions taken or the choice to move in a different direction. It’s always pointing towards the external, and never towards the internal.

The example is refined and extreme, but I’ve seen this kind of attitude plastered around online especially. People have miserable lives – they’re lonely, overly shy, unfit, unwell and fearful – but at no point is there ever a moment of harsh, self-reflective realization that it’s their fault their life is like that.

This doesn’t include people with clinical depression and other severe cases. There are situations that grind the mental capacities of a human being to a halt and it requires the assistance of others. Not just this, but there are many flaws that we simply are unable to see in ourselves until an honest friend (or writer) points it out to us, but I digress – people are unwilling to be harsh with themselves and take full responsibility for their lives.

Obviously this doesn’t apply to all people, but it’s a common trend I see, especially online. People either create strange echo chambers for their suffering and use it as a means to validate their existence, or they continually wallow in the collapse of their lives because of something that had happened in their past.

The past doesn’t really matter all that much, and as much as some people like to point to it and claim that it does, then I ask you: If that is the case, then why live at all? If the past is what shapes your future and your present state, then what is the point of taking action? What’s the purpose of being alive? What’s your end game with having a pulse?

Seriously think about that. The past is not a changeable entity – it is a permanent course of events that had transpired in life and are simultaneously unalterable, while no longer existing.

Take note of that: the past no longer exists. Time is a constant, fleeting thing – every second that is used is there and gone at the same time. You reading this blog post is a usage of time that never comes back, and that’s precisely why time is so valuable, too. Using it on things that are of value to you justifies the use of the value that is time. It’s also why when you do something you don’t like, you feel terrible – because you know you wasted the most important resource.

Conversely, what happens around you is largely unalterable by you. Humans, animals, nature and the universe as a whole simply moves forward. Humans manipulate their environment to create livable and amazing habitats, animals do the same on a lower level, and the universe simply functions as is – it just does what it does.

Now thinking about humans, what is it about you, as a human, that is so incapable of manipulating their environment to suit their needs? What makes you unable to make life better for you?

The past is unalterable. Others alter themselves. The universe just is. What about you?

Your excuses are exhausted. The past can’t be changed, so you go with it. Other people cannot be forced to bend to anyone’s will, so just go with it. The universe is there for living in, so just go with its rules, don’t evade them. The only factor that is at fault for your life and happiness is… yep.

You. It’s your fault you are lonely. It’s your fault you’re fat. It’s your fault you’re not where you want to be.

There are variables that make taking action complex. Noted – but why does an obstacle prevent you from taking steps towards goals?

Instead of looking for a justification of misery, seek a platform to work and succeed.

Instead of wallowing and asking “why me?”, seek taking responsibility and responding with “bring it on”.

Ultimately you can make a choice – to think, or not. People like to claim that they do think about things, but they omit themselves and their own actions from that thought process. They, on some level, consider themselves apart from reality, and point towards reality as being the problem, not them. It’s not you being conscious of things that comes first – reality comes first. You’re a part of it.

Re frame things – play by the rules of reality, take responsibility for your state of misery (because no one else will), and move forward in a direction that is better for you. Don’t absolve yourself of blame and sit in echo chambers justifying it. Blame yourself, admit your weakness, and work towards becoming strong.

That is, and always will be, the only solution to problems. Take action and own it.

All the best, everyone!