Yesterday, I went out on a date which went very well. I made plans to get a coffee together and then go for a stroll, and it was overall a good date of evaluating whether I want to continue seeing this person or not.
After that, I decided to head over to another cafe and ordered a coffee with a muffin. Normally I’m very strict with my food, but a muffin once in a while (followed by a rigorous boxing workout afterwards) won’t kill me. I sat down on my own, had my coffee, occasionally glaring at cute waitresses or interesting ceiling decor, then eventually picked up my things and went home.
I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and arguably can say that being on my own was even more enjoyable!
Today’s topic is precisely on loneliness and something that you ought to learn to be comfortable with, as it has a compounding effect on everything else in your life, in particular your social life.
Loneliness is a pretty common thing nowadays, especially with the dumb COVID lock downs and people being forced to stay home for 300,000 years. When you’re on your own, the only person that keeps you company is you, and really that should be an okay thing to happen.
But for a very large number of people, this seems to be a very anxiety ridden and terrible experience. Being alone means being with yourself, and jesus christ, can’t have that, can we?
My question towards this is: why not? Here’s the thing about being alone – you’re alone with your thoughts, your character, your body, spirit, etc. It’s just you, the deafening silence of your surroundings, and consequently your actions that dictate what happens during that deafening silence. Here a lot of people tend to really struggle – they yearn for some kind of social activity. It’s almost like an addiction, and with the advent of the information age where we have instant access to twitter (which is mostly more ‘shitter’ than ‘twitter’ to be frank), that proverbial social activity juice is always available, ready to be slurped drip by drip through a thin straw.
But again, I ask: why is it hard for you to be alone? What about you are you uncomfortable with? It’s a serious question, and one I suggest exploring, because here’s a harsh jab to the stomach:
If you’re not comfortable being with yourself, other people won’t be as comfortable with you, either.
Harsh? Sure. True? Yes! Think about it and think about how you conduct yourself around others when you’re uncomfortable with being with yourself and being authentic.
Generally, my experience is people uncomfortable in their skin are chameleons – they tend to try and blend into social circles and fit the mold rather than shape it in their own image. I know this because when I was much younger, I did exactly this – I was constantly on alert about how people perceived me.
Now? I frankly don’t give a shit. As mentioned before, I know that I’m being judged, but I generally just don’t care, because I too, judge people. If people don’t like me? Tough shit. I shape my life how I want it shaped – and it generally forms the shape of chiseled abs and yoga butts.
This, interestingly enough, ends up enriching your social and dating life, rather than stunting it. Why?
Because people recognize comfort and confidence in one’s own skin. Yesterday, my date was thoroughly entertained and very comfortable around me. She was well into me and enjoyed her time a whole bunch, and it was because I was unafraid and unashamed as to what kind of man I am. I’m a frog, I’m somewhat arrogant, smooth talking and unrelenting in my convictions – and that was a win in her eyes. She knew I wasn’t trying to slither my way around, fitting whatever mold that could get her to like me.
In other words, I didn’t care if she liked me or not, and I still do not have any expectations or desperate need for validation. It’s a take it or leave it deal, and not only does that garner respect and authentic social interactions, but very strong attraction cues, too.
If you are not comfortable being alone, you need to fix that. I don’t consider it an option – it’s a necessity that you are capable of being by yourself and enjoying it wholeheartedly. Make goals for yourself, do things you enjoy, consider how you want to be, and move forward in that direction with pure, raging authenticity. That will in turn, foster better relationships around you and also give you a mindset of abundance when it comes to the social world – you’re free to be as you want to be and with confidence, and can pick and choose who you want within your life.
Just make sure to do the work at the same time – never try to talk the talk without first walking the walk. Far too many people flap around talking big game when really they’re just hot air and are genuine losers.
Be a winner. But first, you need to see and build yourself as a winner. That takes some alone time, alongside a coffee and a muffin. Peace!
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