Oh no, I’m going into gender.
I know for a fact that this will rustle the proverbial jimmies of some people, because “egalitarianism” and “the sexes are equal” and all that jazz. There’s a culture that has pierced the atmosphere over the past few decades that has essentially given us all the assertion that men and women are even steven even down to the biological levels, and yet regardless of that men giving advice out without the permission of Dominatrix Denise tends to be frowned upon. Masculinity and all that, eugh.
But I’m here to trash that, not because I don’t like women – on the contrary, I quite love them and my glancing eyes at cute waitresses at restaurants, alongside my immense respect for tremendous writers like Ayn Rand can attest to that – but because men know men’s problems better than women, as do women know women’s problems better than men.
That’s it, and I find it rather annoying when men tend to get the shaft upon explaining something – hence the asinine term “mansplaining” vomiting into existence – while if one were to do it the other way around, woman don’t need no man strong independent yadda yadda.
Shut up already. No one is trying to pull your power to act and think for yourself away from you (and if that IS being taken away from you, give em the finger and a kick if necessary), they’re just explaining something that they may have knowledge about, but that’s a rant for another time, because the focus is on why men ought to advise men, and not women.
The reality is that women and men are quite different, neurologically and physically. On a fundamental level men and women analyze and react differently – there have been studies to show how the brains react and function differently.
Does this make either sex inferior? No, in fact the differences are what cause things like sexual attraction and genuine polarity, it is a natural, biologically evolved function – and it’s for survival. Men are generally more analytical and to the point about things, while women tend to be more intuitive and emotional. If you take emotional as a bad thing, then you’re a bit of an idiot, because emotions are good, just don’t sit in and dwell on them. Different topic, anyway..
My point here is that, men and women think and look at things very differently. There are methods to look at things objectively (welcome to good epistemology), but essentially we need each other to see different perspectives when working together. It’s an integrated approach where the two sexes work together. Wonderful!
But when it comes to male or female specific advice, generally speaking, women are horrendously bad at giving men advice just as men are horrendously bad at giving women advice. I’ll explain.
Men are to the point and rather blunt most of the time, we don’t really dwell on the emotions or feeling of a certain situation – we analyze, produce a pragmatic solution and then act on it. This is how we generally function. So when men give one another advice, they’re understanding it from a point that women are generally not accustomed to – that and telling a dude to just “go with his feelings” is an alien and asinine concept to us.
The argument that men ought to get in touch with their feelings here is actually wrong. Men ought to accept what they feel, but not necessarily get in touch with it. We do feel things, but we feel things differently from women, and that’s a good thing – it’s what makes men…men.
How we process emotions is via action and restructuring of our lives. When failure happens, sadness, depression, despair etc can all hit a guy – but how we ought to act upon that and move forward is very, very different. We process it through action and restructuring – women are much more about nurturing and sharing it.
The reality is, I have loads of buddies and acquaintances that have confided in me about their problems – I suck at figuring out the problems of female acquaintances and generally it pisses them off when I’m about as blunt as a Dwarven hammer. But when it comes to the guys? They’re absolutely thrilled at the fact that I solve their problems so effectively.
I’m a solution seeker and I’m blunt about it. I don’t dwell on the emotions, though I have an extremely good understanding as to how emotions function, philosophically anyway – plus I have training in counseling. I talk to my buddies, they tell me about what they’re dealing with, and I basically say “yeah just do X and stop focusing on Y because Y is stupid”. It’s more elegant than that in reality, but that is how I go about it, and all the guys I have helped out have received tremendous strides just from that alone.
On the other hand, a lot of my buddies who have spoken to girls about their problems? Zero headway. Zero. The girls did not understand a sliver of what the guys were going through. Not because they didn’t care or listen, but because they see and react to things very differently.
I’ll give an extreme example – imagine I was being blunt, pragmatic and to the point towards a woman who just went through a miscarriage? I would be seen as a gigantic shit head. My male approach does not work here, in fact it is counter intuitive and exceptionally dangerous. I don’t give them advice – I just listen and comfort. That’s my role there.
On the other hand, girls talking to girls on this will likely yield tremendous results psychologically, because girls get it. I don’t! It’s as simple as that.
So my point here is not to trash either gender, but to trash the notion that somehow women can give men advice on issues like their sexuality, identity, failures, successes and relationship woes and be effective. They can’t, the success rate is limited to a tiny degree, and men ought to take advice from men on these issues (and I must add, wise men. Don’t be advised from dumb-asses). Simultaneously, men ought to not give women advice on women’s issues – leave it to the ladies to deal with lady problems. Us dudes will just listen, nod and do our own thing – we analyze and act because that’s how we naturally express ourselves.
Oh yeah and, generally speaking, when ladies are upset, they really just want you – the man – to just listen, not to advise. Don’t give advice unless you’re specifically asked.
And please, leave me the hell alone with your gynocentric crap and getting in touch with feelings. Guys ARE in touch with their feelings – the problem is, they’re told to process them like girls. It is not the solution. It’s fine to be just as you are, guys and girls – it’s what makes us sexy as fuck to the other gender.