The Memory of You

Long time no post.

Given my drastic life changes in recent months, this blog is much more a personal expression of those life changes and losses, so with that comes a lot of deeply emotional, personal write ups of mine. They are my means of coping and sharing in a creative manner. If you wish to read them or not, that is entirely up to you. Love and peace, D.

Walked into my life, you did,

Hair flowing and eyes glowing.

An energy in you and a spark in your walk,

Drew me in like a moth to a flame.

Without fear I took you in,

Asked you to dance,

So we spent the evening together,

Like flames in a lamp.

The nights where we spent staring,

Into each other’s eyes,

The eternity that I witnessed,

My reflection, My life.

The dances and the kisses,

The times of struggle and pain,

There without a fault,

All now in vain.

The days since I lost you have all felt like an eternity. For every shadow I see, every person that walks, I quickly jump to confirm whether it’s you coming back.

But you’re not coming back, I know that well. But my soul doesn’t, and the pain is excruciating.

For every moment I was with you, I gave everything I had. I long to see the universe in your eyes again. To feel the softness of your skin and the graceful movement of your body, breathing with mine. You brought out a transcendent me – a whirlwind of passion and fire. You brought out a king, an emperor, a god – there to be beside his queen, walking with her into infinity.

But you also made me realize that this transcendent me – this powerful man that you helped awaken, he was always there. My soul doesn’t know it yet, I know this well as it pours out the memories of you in tears and in sobs – catastrophic pain and relentless floods. But I know it in my mind and in my life – you made me realize who I can be and what more I can bring.

Time will heal, it always does, and it’s all I have. And with that healing power comes the pursuit of my inner self again, realizing who I am, what I can be, and relishing in the memories of what we had.

I can never forget the days you danced with me into the night, laughed at the moments where you goofed about, cried in my arms when things were hard, and looked into my eyes only to see yourself in them. Your touch, your skin, your breath, your pulse are things I can still feel. Closing my eyes I can feel it again as if it were real, making me only want to sit and dream of what once was.

The memories of you will never fade. My heart is scarred at the loss of you, but it’s thankful that it got to beat alongside yours.

Thank you for making me see who I can be, and what flames can be lit in this wonderful world. You made me see colours that I could never see before, made me recognize the beauty right in front of me, grounding me to this Earth and out of the clouds.

You made me realize how good life is and can be. It hurts me to the depths of my soul that I don’t share this life with you anymore, but I’ll be okay. And so will you.

Love and Peace.

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